Beware the Bullshit

364 days ago …

364 days ago, I was happy and not dealing with a liar.

364 days ago, life was good.

364 days ago, I still had my best friend.

364 days ago, things changed in a way I never saw coming.

It’s hard to believe that tomorrow will be a year since Josh died. A year since my life fell apart.

Anthony J Grant chef of Downpatrick is a liar. Here he begins his scam.I still remember that night so vividly: I couldn’t settle, I was so restless and didn’t know why. Anthony J Grant had been sending chat messages constantly, as he always did, and called me at one point just after I finished work.

He had been staying with his parents in Crossgar, Downpatrick, Northern Ireland, but was getting on a bus and heading south, supposedly looking for chef jobs. But who knows: there is very little he actually told the truth about when it comes to the stuff that matters.

If nothing else, he is a talented liar. He was most likely heading to meet one of the many random women he slept with from his online dating site hookups because that seems to have been the basis for most of his trekking around the place, as I have since discovered.

By my night owl standards, it was early: a little after midnight. But I was tired. I had little sleep the night before. I don’t know why, but I felt completely on edge. In the end, I took myself off to bed and tried to sleep but once again, I couldn’t.

Everything changed

A little after 1am, I got up. To this day, I don’t know why, but I decided to walk to Josh’s place. As far as I knew, he was at work, doing his regular week of overnight shifts. But I still felt compelled to go there. His bike was outside his flat, and I could see a light was on in the living room. The front door was locked but I used my key to let myself in (we pretty much lived at each other’s houses, our homes away from home).

That was when I found him. After that, things are still a little blurry but some of the memories are all too vivid.

He saw me, he looked up as I opened the front door. The look of shock on his face tells me he didn’t expect me to turn up, he didn’t expect me to be the one to find him.

He tried to push my hand away as I was cutting him down from the door, he tried to talk once I got him on the ground. Then he stopped. Everything stopped. At some point his neighbour had come over, had heard me shout. He called 111 and was crouched on the floor beside me as I did CPR while he talked to the 111 operator.

I knew when he was gone. When he became so still, so quiet. I am glad Josh wasn’t alone when he died. But I so wish I had done more, that I had found him sooner. Maybe I could have saved him.

It all seems so surreal even now.

Unreal even. I still expect him to turn up. I hear a car slow down near my house at night and wait to hear if it’s Josh calling in for a coffee after work. My phone rings and my first thought is: Josh.

I miss him. I suppose I miss me, too … his death and everything that happened after have changed me so much that I don’t think I will ever get that person back.

Josh was my best friend for 30-plus. The person I trusted most in the world. We saw each other every day; I was his “best woman” when he married Heather.  I was holding his hand and hers as she died 6 years ago.

I promised Heather that I would look after him. I failed.

Anthony Grant: liar and more

And I can see now that it was at this point that Anthony Grant made his move. He laid the groundwork for his scam months earlier when he lied about having broken up with his ex, when he lied about all the bad things she had supposedly done to him when all along it was him doing those things.

But now, looking back over it all, I can actually see clearly how completely he lied. He had no feelings for me, that was all part of the scam. Because this was where he started to push for us to be more than friends, when Josh died.

Plain and simple: Anthony Grant was, and still is, a liar.

Anthony did something that no one could ever do to someone they cared about: he made the decision to use my grief as a weapon against me.

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Anthony J Grant, narcissist

Is Anthony J Grant a narcissist? I believe he is. Unfortunately, he is surrounded by enablers who allow him to continue this behaviour, even making excuses for him.

He then latches on to those excuses and repeats them.

What is a narcissist?

From Wikipedia:

Psychiatrists Hotchkiss and James F. Masterson identified what they called the seven deadly sins of narcissism:

  1. Shamelessness: Narcissists are often proudly and openly shameless; they are not bound emotionally by the needs and wishes of others. Narcissists hate criticism, and consider it “toxic”, as criticism implies they are not perfect and need to change. Narcissists prefer guilt over shame, as guilt allows them to dissociate their actions from themselves – it’s only their actions that are wrong, while their intention is good.
  2. Magical thinking: Narcissists see themselves as perfect, using distortion and illusion known as magical thinking. They also use projection to “dump” shame onto others.
  3. Arrogance: A narcissist who is feeling deflated may “reinflate” their sense of self-importance by diminishing, debasing, or degrading somebody else.
  4. Envy: A narcissist may secure a sense of superiority in the face of another person’s ability by using contempt to minimize the other person or their achievements.
  5. Entitlement: Narcissists hold unreasonable expectations of particularly favorable treatment and automatic compliance because they consider themselves special. Failure to comply is considered an attack on their superiority, and the perpetrator is considered an “awkward” or “difficult” person. Defiance of their will is a narcissistic injury that can trigger narcissistic rage.
  6. Exploitation: Can take many forms but always involves the exploitation of others without regard for their feelings or interests. Often the other person is in a subservient position where resistance would be difficult or even impossible. Sometimes the subservience is not so much real as assumed. This exploitation may result in many brief, short-lived relationships.
  7. Bad boundaries: Narcissists do not recognize that they have boundaries and that others are separate and are not extensions of themselves. Others either exist to meet their needs or may as well not exist at all. Those who provide narcissistic supply to the narcissist are treated as if they are part of the narcissist and are expected to live up to those expectations. In the mind of a narcissist, there is no boundary between self and other.
Narcissist Anthony J Grant of Crossgar, Downpatrick
The many faces of Anthony J Grant.

Illness or choice?

Does our little drunk friend Anthony J Grant suffer from narcissistic personality disorder or is he just a plain old narcissist? The need to control, to be the centre of everyone’s universe? To have his fragile little ego stroked by women who truly are far too good for him?

If I believed Anthony, aka Antiono Grant Jr had narcissistic personality disorder I would possibly feel some pity for him. Because it wouldn’t be a choice, it would be a compulsion that he couldn’t control.

But he can control this, when he chooses. And that makes him so much more dangerous.

Is he a sociopath? Maybe, but again I actually think it is more sinister because he makes the choice to behave that way.

Dangerous little man

So what is Downpatrick -born chef Anthony Joseph Grant? This drunken little thief from Northern Ireland, and more recently Ballyheigue, is nothing more than simply an asshole. Scum. But unfortunately, he is also dangerous. He isn’t sick, and while I agree he is a drunk, I do not for a minute believe this is to blame for his behaviour. He has a well-proven pattern of using and abusing women, and playing the victim.

Share this site with your friends, make sure they know who and what he is. His family make excuses for him, his girlfriends is part of the scam, and he himself will never take responsibility for his actions as long as those two things keep happening.

It’s up to us to make sure he doesn’t keep getting away with this.